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PRECIOUS ROY HOME SHOPPING NETWORK TRANSCRIPT

"MIRACLE DIRT"


Olly- "Hi folks, and welcome to the Precious Roy Home Shopping Network. Today we've got a new item and, boy is it a doozy.....It's the Precious Roy Miracle Dirt." Sifl- "What is it?" Olly- "What isn't it, Sifl? I mean........folks, so few products live up to the word "miracle", but Miracle Dirt is a true blessing. You can cook with it, shave with it, clean with it." Sifl- "quiet!" Olly- "READ with it" Sifl- "shut up!" Olly- "Miracle Dirt is an all purpose substance that us "renissance" home-makers...." Sifl- "What is going on with you?" Olly- "REQUIRE.....Being a single bachelor..." Sifl- (sigh) Olly- "I run in to a lot of shopping nightmares." Sifl- "Well, you know about the nightmares I've had shopping." Olly- "You've got some serious-ass shopping nightmares. Finally there is a product that provides us a whole shopping list worth of uses." Sifl- "You're ruining this." Olly-"Folks....Folks it's like cheese....I don't understand it, you don't understand it, but we love it anyways. Let's take some calls...." Sifl- (sigh) Olly- "hello?" Caller #1- "It's just dirt, man" Olly- "No, it's Miracle Dirt." Caller #1- "Man, this... this stuff's just dirt." Sifl- "Yeah, what is it?" Olly- "If it were ordinary dirt, would it be called Miracle Dirt?" Caller#1- "Stop calling it man..stop calling it that..Its..It's dirt." Olly- "Are you a super hero by chance, friend?" Caller #1- "nn....no" Olly- "Then DON'T QUESTION THE POWER OF MIRACLE DIRT!!" Sifl- "Hey, don't talk to the callers like that, man! This guy's got you all freaked out....this "Roy". " Olly- (sigh) Sifl- "You...Do you realise what a fool you've made of yourself over the last.......Ah, forget it, I'm out of here..." (sifl leaves) Olly- "Folks, Miracle Dirt is your last chance for salvation and I mean that. Let's take another call." Caller #2 "Yeah, I use your miracle dirt. I really, really like it." Olly- "And what are you using Miracle Dirt for?" Caller #2 "uh..for dirt." Olly- "What?!" Caller #2- "for dirt. I use it in my garden, you know...my flowers look great......" Olly- "You are SO underestimating this product SIR!........Folks, Miracle Dirt is gonna do the job, let's talk to Precious Roy NOW." Precious Roy "DIS IS PRECIOUS ROY! AND WHEN MY GANG FINDS OUT, YOU'LL BE DEAD!" Olly- (cowering) "(gulp) What about Miracle Dirt, Precious Roy?" Precious Roy " **** YOU!......SUCKERS!"


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